Sometimes you have to take the bad with the good. After 10 days of positivity and a great streak of feeling no symptoms, I fell into anxiety this morning.
Having a bad body image day, mixed with high anxiety is just a part of life with less than perfect mental health and mental illness.
Learning to deal with days like today has gotten better throughout the years, but that doesn’t make them any easier.
Looking into the mirror and absolutely dreading what I see is not a pleasant feeling. On days like today it takes everything in me to fight the eating disorder in the back of my head. But I’ve come so far to give in, I fight everyday for a happy life in recovery, so why would I throw it away now.
So, I made my coffee, fought my urge to restrict and had my breakfast.
On days like today I focus on mental health. I sat down this morning while Ainsley played and wrote out a list of things I’m grateful for, to name some;
- My beautiful daughter
- My supportive partner + family + in laws
- A nice home to live in
- My health
- Living in a beautiful country
Writing out the positives in my life help me focus a little less on myself, and put things into perspective. I am so lucky to be here today, and to have everything I have in my life. It’s important to remember that on days you get caught up in yourself.
I don’t write this to get sympathy from anyone but to let everyone know that bad days happen. Recovering from an eating disorder is a lot more complicated than most think. It’s constantly with me and although most days are good days where I don’t struggle with it, I still have days like today where it feels like all progress I’ve made in recovery is gone.
It’s okay to have bad days, because like the title of this post says, “bad days build better days.” Not everyday can be great when dealing with these mental battles. So do what you have to during these episodes to help and love yourself, whatever that may be.
For me, I’m going to play with Ainsley, go for a walk, and I’ll go to the gym just like I had planned. On bad days I have a tendency to shut off and not get anything done. So it’s important for me to push myself to do my regular planned day and not let my body image or anxiety dictate my schedule.
There’s no shame in struggling or having a bad mental health day. Living with a mental illness is in no way easy but make sure you don’t make it any harder on yourself. Reach out, use your resources, seek help if needed and be kind to yourself.