Not The Friendly Type

I’m not sure what I’m doing wrong but ever since I can remember I’ve never been someone with many friends.

People have never hated me, nor were people ever mean to me. I was never picked on, bullied, or poked fun at.

People just never really chose to be my friend.

Elementary school I had a group of friends like any normal pre teen girl. Then when I got to high school it dwindled to a tiny handful like what happens to most people, you weed out who your true friends are. Turns out I only had three!

When I moved to university I didn’t ever truly fit in, have a friend group, or really even a “best friend” like I thought I’d find in university. Like everyone around me was seeming to find… Everywhere I looked people were making friends for life, and I just wasn’t.

Now again, people were never mean to me, just no one seemed to be too interested in becoming close friends with me.

I mean, at this point I started to think what am I doing wrong? What can I do better?

So I tried.

I’d make cookies and treats for people, I did my best to be welcoming and friendly. I even got a part time job in hopes to meet people but again, nothing.

After leaving university and moving to Australia things still haven’t changed much.

With being a Mom now it’s even harder. I don’t get out much and it’s hard to make other Mom friends when I’m decently younger than most other Mammas…

It very well may be my fault, maybe I need to reach out more and put in more of an effort, and stop being so shy. But honestly it’s terrifying, it seems everywhere I look everyone has a little group they belong to, and I’m just an outsider.

My social anxiety also doesn’t help. Constantly worrying and ruminating about what people are thinking about me. It’s tough…

I’ve always wished to have a group of girl friends to talk to, hangout with, gossip with, pretty much basic friend shit that girls do.

But for now I have my Canadian best friend, my Mom, and my boyfriend (and Ainsley, she’s the best listener.)

I’m lucky to have one best friend who’s been with me since eighth grade. I may not have a group of friends, or many people to talk to but I always have had Maggie.

Maggie and I have been best friends since we were 14, we never went to the same high school and lived in seperate towns, but cheering together is what brought us as close as sisters.

Days like today when I’m feeling lonely and down, I stop and remind myself how lucky I am to have a friend like her in my life. That will always be there for me regardless of what’s going on.

I may only have one best friend, but she really is the best, best friend.

I don’t want this post to be sad and depressing because I really am happy with my life, don’t get me wrong!

I love my daughter, Ben, my family, and my best friend. I just would love to make more friends, I’ve always wanted to make friends, I just don’t know how, and I don’t know why people always just see me as an acquaintance. But it’s something in 2018 I’m really going to try to work on.

I was scared to post this, and honestly considered just leaving it in my drafts but I know I’m not the only person who feels this way so hopefully this helps one person feel like they aren’t alone…

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