This is a touchy, sad, and unpleasant topic for me but I figured since I just left Canada for my last time for at least a year it was a good time to talk about it.
For those unfamiliar with my situation, my partner Ben and I live here in Melbourne with Ainsley, and all of my family and friends are back in Canada.
When we learned I was pregnant with Ainsley I was on a working holiday visa here in Aus with plans to eventually go back home, finish school, y’know that whole thing.
But falling pregnant obviously threw a wrench into things! We had to make a decision of where we were going to live permanently, and where we would start our lives as a family.
It took us a quite a bit to finally decide on either Canada or Australia. For a while we thought it was going to be Canada, but at the end of the day it really didn’t make sense to up root Ben from his job. He has a lot of good opportunities with his job and we decided to put our trust in that and move here to Australia.
It’s never easy telling your parents you’re moving across the world, to literally the farthest possible destination. But it’s even harder telling them when you’ll be also taking their first and only grandchild.
My heart feels so heavy when I talk about leaving my parents/Ainsley’s grandparents. Because I really freaking love my parents, they are the best parents out there hands down. They’ve taught me so much and truly made me who I am today. Never have the ever hesitated to bend over backwards to do something for me and for that I am forever grateful. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to properly thank them for everything they’ve done for Ainsley and I but my heart will never forget.
As much as I love them, I miss them a million times more.
Leaving the first time was tough, but leaving with Ainsley is a whole other situation…
In the times Ainsley has been in Canada, I’ve been blessed to be able to see how amazing and loving my parents are as Grandparents. It makes me smile when I think about them with Ainsley, but it also makes me very sad that they are going to miss out on so much by being so far away.
I know how sad they are that they can’t be the involved grandparents that they had always hoped for. But I’m lucky that they do their best with the situation considered.
I’ve made a promise to myself to not leave them behind. I send them pictures constantly and let them know how Ainsley is doing. I’m determined as Ainsley grows to make this long distance grandparenting work.
The same goes for her godmother Maggie, and her Uncle Shaun. Both extremely important people in my life, who it hurts me beyond belief to leave behind. But I know how much they love Ainsley and I so I know they’ll forever be in my life regardless of how many miles are between us.
Moving to the other side of the world without your family or friends is tough, it’s sad, and sometimes can feel very lonely. I get pretty down sometimes when I think about my future here and can’t see my parents living right around the corner like I always imagined.
It’s the little things they’ll miss out on that make me the most sad. Family dinners, holiday get togethers, game nights, weekends at grandmas, trips to the zoo, birthdays, things like that, that they won’t get to experience with her unless they’re here visiting… I can’t say it gets easier to think about, because it doesn’t, I’m always going to miss my family and a little part of me will always wish they were here. But I have learned to cope with it, because the reason I’m here is for a better life for my little family, which is my main priority.
I do love Australia, I’m blessed to live here, with an amazing partner, and a beautiful daughter. I am so lucky to have the second family that I have here- don’t get me wrong! I’m excited and happy to live here and to be starting our life as a family of three.
But that being said they still aren’t my parents, it’s not the same, and it never will fill the little hole in my heart that appeared when I left them.